What do you do if you she's married but still into you? This week, Doc Love, author "The System," helps a reader see her for what she really is.

reader's question

Hey Doc,I started going to college recently and noticed Adrienne, who is 25. She held doors for me, showed me around and gazed into my eyes adoringly when I talked. I could tell that she liked me. We soon got to know each other and started sitting next to each other in class. While we had mostly good conversations, she sometimes ran hot and cold, which was frustrating. When I ignored her, she would always try to get my attention and remind me that she was there. Since I’ve always gotten my heart broken over girls I’ve had crushes on, I tried to guard against falling for Adrienne, but since I’ve never had so many signals from any girl, I’ve continued to pursue her.   Now, here’s the problem: She’s married. I didn’t know this when I met her. I don’t what it is with me. I always seem to go for the ones who are already taken. But they seem to like me more than their significant others, and I can’t help the way I feel about Adrienne. I’m trying to get over her, but it’s hard when I see her every day of the week. When we talk and look at each other, I can tell there is chemistry between us. I have the feeling that Adrienne feels conflicted over all of this. Now I’ve discovered that she is pregnant, which of course compounds everything.   Doc, while Adrienne runs hot and cold, she does still initiate conversations with me and confides many things to me in a way that only a girl who cared about a guy would. I find myself very confused as I try to decipher her body language, but she does all of the things that a girl with high Interest Level would do.    This is not a lust thing; it’s something more. I like Adrienne’s personality. We have a lot in common, and I admire her independence. She has almost every quality you would want in a woman. Part of me wants to be friends with Adrienne so that maybe one day if things don’t work out with her marriage, we could get together. But I just don’t know how to deal with this. I figure that something is there since she still seems to be interested in me, even though she’s married and pregnant.   Anything you can to do coach me would be greatly appreciated.   Milton - who feels like he’s losing his mind 

doc love's response

Hi Milton,  Here’s the good news: Adrienne is coming at you. Now for the bad: Adrienne is inconsistent in her behavior and her feelings. By your own admission, she runs hot and cold. This is a huge red flag. Why does she run hot and cold? I must compliment you for noticing this big red flag, though. Most guys would just rationalize her flakey behavior and say, “No big deal.” But you’re bringing it up, which is smart. It shows that you’re thinking. The question is: What are you going to do about it?   Of course Adrienne wants to remind you that she’s there when you ignore her. That’s because you used the all-important technique of challenge. All women respond to it. Adrienne might be sending you the most signals you’ve ever gotten from a woman, but you have to remember to go in slowly and keep your eyes wide open at all times. But, guy, she's married. So even if she drapes herself over you like a blanket, she’s off-limits. To you Psych majors, when you meet a woman, there can be no husbands or boyfriends involved with her because that means she’s unavailable. This should be a very simple concept to grasp. And if she’s married, it means you’re out already. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “If she’s married, you were out before you started.” So, Milton, all of this getting wound-up over Adrienne has been nothing but a big waste of time. You could have been out hustling other phone numbers in the time you wasted mooning over this married woman. So what should you do if she's married? Find out next...

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